my biggest fear, someone else's reality

My words just wont come for this post... I will explain when I can!

I am ready for my love to be home safe in my arms, holding his new baby girl, and getting ready for the camping trip he promised N!

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Everything is fine I am sorry to have worried anyone, just a rough day and I miss J. I read another persons blog and it made my heart ache for a new mom and marine wife who lost her marine... J is in every breath I take and I cannot imagine what she is going through right now...

Peeing on trees

So, this is my three year old and this is his favorite thing to do right now... pee on trees! He asks me to do it and I say no but he will sneak it in there. We could be standing on our front porch and he would rather run across the yard to one of the big pine trees just to pee on it! His daddy would be so proud!!! He does it all over the place, its like he is marking his territory, making sure all the other kids know that he has been there! Today, our little neighbor friend (she is about a year older than him) walked over with her hands on her hip shaking her head and told him that we always pee inside!!! It was perfect!!! I was hoping maybe if he thought she didn't approve that he would be embarrassed enough to maybe use a toilet but that probably wont happen, but I guess we will just have to wait and see!!! And if you are thinking to yourself why I dont stop him and make him go inside... I try!!! But he is so quick by the time I realize what he is doing, he is mid stream and what am I supposed to do???

what's the point...

So on Thursday I decided to spend the rainy day cleaning my house; floors, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. and I cant seem to find the point of cleaning anymore... because this happens after every time I do!!! I have come to terms with the fact that my house is never going to stay straight or picked up b/c I have a three year old, but man when the bowl of whipped cream and peaches hit the floor I thought I was going to cry!!! I really try to get it all done on a day that isnt absolutely gorgeous out b/c I know that Noah is going to want to go out and play and so am I... but what can I do, I cant just leave the cream sitting there to congeal to my floor and then there are more dishes and more laundry and more cereal on the floor to vacuum, it is a never ending process and it is exhausting!!! So now I am going to get off the computer and get busy so that I can go outside and play with my boy!!! Hope everybody else does the same thing b/c in the end it really doesnt matter if the house is clean!!!

Blue

So, its about that time... The days are getting longer and time seems to be creeping by and I just want to take a pill and sleep for the next two months!!! I wont, believe me!!! Its just how I feel right now. I am really completely over this deployment and the anticipation of the end just makes me blue, it is not quite time to get excited and even when I do that balloon always gets popped!!! I remember feeling this way with our first deployment but this time it is a little more intense! I think it is because of M, I want J to meet her so bad it hurts. I want him to be able to experience this part of her life, and she is growing and changing so fast... there is absolutely nothing I can do about it! Another reason is N, he actually knows that something is missing from our life and it hurts him too! DEPLOYMENT SUCKS and yes I know I signed up for this but it doesnt change that fact!!!

Always and Forever

Four years ago today we started our little family!!! I walked down the aisle to marry my best friend and soulmate, what a lucky girl I am!!! I remember that day like it was yesterday and while I am still working on forgetting just a few parts, the rest and most beautiful parts will always be with me!! Like getting ready and watching the buzz of excitement around me, starting down the aisle with my dad and seeing my handsome husband to be in his Blue's, listening to him whisper his vows to me, our first kiss as a married couple!!! Yes, I did say he whispered his vows (I have it on video) and when asked why, he said he only needed to say them to me!!! I love this man and will all of my days!!! The reception was amazing. It was at my grandma's farm and just perfect, BBQ, dancing, beer and belini's (my favorite). My sister and maid of honor did an amazing job with her speech and then there were tears when we left for our honeymoon! What a great day, the day we started our beautiful family!!! We might have started adding to it a little sooner then some people thought we would but I can not imagine my life any different and I am so thankful to have such an amazing partner to share it with (sometimes via emails and phone calls but thats just our life)!!!

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I knew I should have done this earlier when I actually had something to write about, but now I cant remember... It was rainy and cold today, which I am getting used to and I prepare myself for these days to be very stressful. N really has a hard time when it is nasty out and we cant go out and play! (even when it has been bitterly cold I bundle him up and send him out on the back porch to play basketball, but not when rain is coming in sideways) But today I was pleasantly surprised, he was awesome!!! I have changed up some of our old routines and now I think he is getting the sleep he needs and the attention he needs. It took me awhile to get it together after M was born, but I think we are finally starting to settle in! YIPPEEE!!!