Christmas

Oh my!!! Christmas is right around the corner! Halloween hasn't even come yet and they (stores) are already putting out their Christmas stuff... eggnog, gingerbread latte creamers, lights, cards, and I know the toys are about to come out in mass quantities :-/

It all kinda scares me and makes me realize that I have NO idea what I am getting or doing for my kids/husband/family and friends... 

What to do, What to do???  

This is sad because usually by now Big and I have all our Christmas shopping done (due to deployments and wanting him to be apart of the decisions) but not one stick of it is done! We have discussed a budget and how we are going to STICK to it this year! So I guess that is a start!!! 

What are your plans for Christmas this year? Any special items on the list? What about traditions? 

We always love getting live Christmas trees! When I was younger my Mom and Dad always played music to let us know we could come out of our rooms... LOVE me some Manhiem Steamrollers

Rocket Balloons!!!

Who knew $2.00 could buy hours and hours of fun! This is all Little has been playing with since we bought them...

LOTS of FUN!!!

Guest blog

Today I have the honor of being a guest blogger for a dear friend and FANTASTIC blogger! So you guys have to go check it out over at Goodnight Moon
She has had guest bloggers all week and you should check out their post too!!!

Finding the PERFECT one...

I am sooo excited! Big told me the other day that he signed us up for the USMC Birthday Ball!!! WAHOOO!

(I am really looking forward to this one because the last two I have been to have been kinda blah! And I dont mean that disrespectfully but my first ever ball was when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with Little and the other one was a bit awkward... See Big just got back from deployment and we just got put back with his battalion so I didn't know anybody!!! I also learned a very VERY important lesson at both of those balls, wear COMFORTABLE shoes and I am going to this year!!! And then I am going to dance with my husband (my feet hurt so bad the last time that I could barely stand)!!! )

Anyway, I cant wait to go dress shopping! I am really looking for something simple and classic! I think that is going to be easier said than done, everything that I have looked at so far is very flashy... lots of sparkle! Not me at all...

Buying a new dress means I really need to get my butt in gear and start my workouts again! I have been such a slacker lately! Time to get back to work, I have a goal but I am not going to share that one yet, soon though!

Not the same

So yesterday (I think it was yesterday) I wrote about our weekend adventure! However, I left one thing out...

I will NEVER be able to look at a Marine Corps Commissary or Exchange the same again, EVER!!! We stayed at the NAS Oceana and it was amazing! Great hotel, close to the beach, and really cool jets flying over all the time! Strange how I find comfort in that sort of stuff now???  Loud jets, artillery, machine gun fire, etc.  Anyway, we had to go pick up a few things at the NEX, and as Little would say "holy moly", it was gigantic with so much to choose from! I didn't even go on the clothing side of the store because I knew I would be crushed... I can never find anything at our exchange! It was kinda like shopping at Macy's after you have shopped at Target!!! Don't get me wrong I LOVE Target but there is a difference!!! And don't even get me started on the commissary! It was TWICE the size of our commissary! I just wanted to keep walking around and around, but Big wouldn't let me! He only has so much patience for shopping :)! I should have never gone in there, then I would have never known a difference even existed!

Oh well!

Thank You

I would just like to say Thank You to all of my followers!!! I appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to read my not very interesting ramblings!!!

I tend to write things more like I am writing in a journal and I am know I dont spend as much time on it as I should but I am working on that!

I really appreciate your time!

Love
A

Spinning

It's been awhile and I can explain... well not really because a lot of it is personal but I will try!!!

You know that feeling you would get as a kid when you would just let yourself go and spin, spin, spin? Well, that is how it has been for me for the past few months and I cant seem to STOP it! And by the way when I was a kid spinning like that made me sick! (the kind of sick that turns you GREEN)

I feel off balance and dizzy!

How to explain...

Well I will start with how much post-deployment SUCKS for us and I cant seem to figure out why?!?!  It is by far the most difficult time for my family, don't get me wrong deployment is hard but trying to get adjusted back to a whole family after always throws us a few curve balls! (Like bean me in the back kind of curve balls)!

BUT and this is a big but, we as a family and team will make it and be better from it! We do not walk alone in this and I know God has his arms wrapped around us!

And going through all of these hard times makes me thank God I am married to this wonderful man, who will forever be my HERO and BEST friend!!!

I also wonder how many other mil families have a hard time adjusting and what they do to get back into the swing of things. Have any of you guys experienced a hard time and what helped you?

The spinning will stop eventually and we will be back to our "normal"!

Sleep

Dear Sleep,

I miss you.

Love always,

Me

Dear Motorcycle Guys

Dear Motorcycle Guys,

Seriously!!! You think it is a good idea to come zooming down 95, weaving in and out of the cars like they are traffic cones! Because I don't! First, 95 is insane at all times and you two made it worse today... I don't appreciate the fact that you raced past me so close that my three year old could reach out the window and knock you upside your head! Yes that was me who was honking and I know you probably don't care (because if you did you wouldn't drive that way) but you not only put yourselves in danger but you also put MY CHILDREN in danger! I saw you coming a mile away and was prepared for your stupid a... but what if you had driven up on a person not so ready and they jumped and the car jumped with them??? That would be it, roadkill!!! And since it was on 95, that would cause a MAJOR wreck!

You give a bad name to motorcyclist everywhere! You are the reason other motorist HATE them and don't respect them on the road! And that makes me mad b/c now you are putting my parents in danger!!! Just so you know, I love motorcycles!!! I get excited when I see them and so does my N! I think they are fun and not scary and hope to someday have one myself. But you jerks need to wake up!!! You want to race go find a track to do it on and start thinking of others for once!

Next time I will call the police! SLOW DOWN and RESPECT others on the road!!!

Sincerely,

A

Weird post I know but today while I was driving home one of these guys almost slammed into the back of me! SCARY!!! I wish there had been a policeman nearby...

7 months ago today

WOW!!!

I cant believe that it has been

7 months!

My little M is getting so big so fast

and it is so bittersweet!

She sat up the other day all by herself

and I

cried!!!

Yes, I know it should be and is a very happy moment but then comes the bitter part...

she's changing so

FAST!

When people say that is goes so quickly, I don't always believe them.

But for some reason with my little bug it is just flying by!

J's deployment didn't go fast and I think I wanted N to hit all the milestones that I rushed him a bit!

So with her I have been VERY laid back and not pushy on anything! But that doesn't stop it,

AT ALL!

So, I have read a few other birthday stories and I thought I would share mine

(most have been at the six month mark, but we were moving).

7 months ago today I was

GRUMPY and UNCOMFORTABLE!

See with N I delivered at 38 weeks and my little bug decided she wanted to go all the way to her due date, well almost...

she came at 39 wks and 6 days!

My mom was staying with me b/c J was deployed, so we got up and decided to go get donuts at DD!

We watched N put two marines in there place!!!

And made plans for the rest of the afternoon!

Bowling, lunch, nap...

Called my girlfriend (also one of my birth partners) and we decided to go bowling on our side, she has two boys and N and her oldest are best buddies!

Bowled, ate some nachos, and my J called!!!

Talked to him, he had some very exciting news and then had to get back to work!

Time check: 1245

Not 5 minutes after I got off the phone did I have my first contraction...

go figure!

Had been having braxton hicks for about two wks but this was

DIFFERENT!

Left the bowling alley.

Got home at about 1300/1 pm

The contractions were about 15 minutes apart for about 3 contractions, then they went to 8 minutes apart

and boy they were

STRONG!!

Decided to take a shower and see if they would settle down,

the moment I stepped into the shower they jumped to

3 minutes!!!

I showered QUICKLY and got out and found my mom...

time to go

Time check: b/t 1430 and 1445 / 230 and 245

Got to the hospital at about 1500/300

Triaged and admitted at a 5

I knew something was weird in triage b/c my contractions were not being picked up on the monitor.

Walked across the hall to my labor room (this took about five minutes)

got in bed and all hell broke loose!!!

M did not like labor

In the 5 minutes it took me to walk across the floor I dilated to an 8

Corpsman couldn't start my IV

Baby not participating well = NO DRUGS

Broke my water and placed a scalp electrode

Was put on O2

Placed in the most uncomfortable position (hands and knees)

Docs trying to talk to me in full blown labor

Seriously, could have signed away my first born!!!

Got the all clear to turn back over

Midwife did not believe me that I needed to push

5 minutes later

WELCOMED BABY GIRL M!!!

I was in labor for all about three hours, pushed twice and delivered my baby girl super fast!!!

What a glorious day and I thank God everyday that he has blessed me with my N and M!

So time flies and I have learned that I have to slow down and cherish every little blessing...

the tears, smiles, meltdowns, and giggles!!!

I am sorry this was such a long post, but I wanted to share!!!

ps J called that night b/c my rockstars in the room with me took some great pics and emailed them to him right away, he couldn't believe it happen so fast and was over the moon!

Silly Bandzzzzz

So, I do not even know how N knows all about these things

but he does and he gets very

EXCITED

whenever we walk passed them at any store!!!

I

really didn't even think about getting him some

until recently...

like yesterday!!!

We are having some discipline ISSUES!!!

He wont listen, he wakes up his sister, he has major meltdowns over the

tiniest

things, and I am ready to pull all my hair out!!!

The list of things that we have tried is:

1. Time out

(doesn't work)

2. Taking away "privileges"

(which really only punishes ME)

For example, if I say he cant go outside b/c he woke up M, I am stuck inside with a whiny three year old!

3. Yelling

(horrible, I know but I am working on it)

and finally

4. Spanking

(which I HATE and doesn't WORK)

There is something about hitting my child that I just cant quite come to terms with, don't get me wrong there are certain situations that need quick and immediate punishment,

but I struggle with it either way!!!

I am not trying to start a debate just listing what we've tried

:)

So, back to the reason I am writing!

SILLY BANDZ

Who knew they could be such a GREAT reward for my N!!!

He loves them and has had great behavior!!!

I was able to go to the commissary today

without

ONE

meltdown!!!

Not even an argument over sitting in the cart!!!

My heart is smiling!

I just pray that it last and we are on the path to peace

and a little bit of sleep and rest

for

M!!!

Moving Day (again)

Here we go again!!!

That's right it has been about a month since we moved and we

are doing it again!

The whole thing, packing, loading, unloading, and unpacking!

(I don't really like that last part)

But it is ALL worth it!

We finally got a house on base!!!

I am super excited!

J is too but only because it makes me happy, he would rather buy a house!

But I just cant bring myself to liking that idea!

We are only in a place for such a short time and the possibilities of not being able to sell/rent it scare me!!!

So, it is base housing for us!!!

I thank God that this worked out for us!

We didn't think we had a chance, were told we didn't, rented an apartment hoping and praying that when our lease was up maybe we would get a chance to move on base!

But then we walk into the housing office two weeks after we get here and they had a house!

My exact reaction...

I think the entire building heard my jaw hit the ground!!! I stood there like a goob with my mouth gapping open, in shock!!!

J grabbed my arm and turned me around and we hurried out to the truck,

he said, "don't get your hopes up"!

TO LATE!!!

We had to go back the next day to talk with the lady that actually would put us in a house,

I didn't sleep that night!

All the ladies in the office oohhed and awhhed over our babies

so we brought them again!!!

(nothing like using your children)

We even taught N the ladies name... I think that might have sent her over the edge!

We HAD a house and a month to move in to it!!!

YAY!!!

So, the movers should be here soon

and we can finally get out of this limbo we have been in!!!

Forgiveness

I believe to have a good healthy heart and soul you are supposed to forgive. God forgives us everyday without question, but as a flawed person I am having trouble with this concept! I want to forgive him but being hurt by one of the people you are supposed to trust the most is a very hard thing to move past... Even if the pain and tears that he caused were cleaned up by another, it is still so hard to move on!

I thought I had moved on and healed and was doing what was best for my family, but then I get a phone call and he asks me to be there for him... WHY??? Why on Earth would I do that? That's what I wanted to scream and yell at him, all those years without you, crying and waiting for you to show up or care... a few other things I wanted to say, but I didn't!!! I held my tongue, I was silent as he spoke and I listened to him cry on the other end of the phone. I felt sorry and angry and sad... I really just don't know what to say!

I think the biggest problem is that there has been no closer with any of this and he goes along thinking everything is fine, when in reality it's not... AT ALL! It is hard for me to forgive him when he won't even say "I'm sorry"!

Forgive, it is such an easy word to say but such a hard choice to make!!!

At Last...

WELCOME HOME DADDY!!!

What a great weekend!!! It was filled with so much excitement and joy and finally

RELIEF!!!

J got home at 0230 am on Monday morning and it was amazing!!!

He finally got to meet his baby girl...

I decided that I was just going to wake the kids up and take them!!! N and I had talked about this day since J left in October and I just couldn't

not take him!

I would be taking away a memory that I felt was more important

than a few hours of cranky N

and to boot I had my partner back to help me handle

cranky N!!!

They both did great! Family show time was supposed to be 2330 but J called me and I knew they were still a few hours away...

So I let those baby's sleep and then when I couldn't take it anymore

I got them up and we went to wait!

Could have waited a little longer cuz we waited for about 2 hours...

oh well!!!

My feelings are pretty bittersweet right now! I am so THRILLED that J is home but I am so SAD that there are so many that did not!

My thoughts and prayers are with those men and women and their family's!!!

Expectation

Homecoming

is so close I can taste it and with that comes this pretty little picture I paint in my

head...

My little family all dressed up, waiting oh so patiently on the man of my dreams to walk off that bus! N not having one meltdown or smudge of dirt on him, M snuggled in my arms waiting happily for the Daddy she has not met, and me in my dress looking smokin hot... We both see each other at the exact same time and meet in each others embrace, it really is lovely!!!

Then ReAliTy sets in

and I know that N and M will be cranky from waiting or from not getting the sleep they both need b/c we are waiting!!! I wish I was about 25 lbs lighter (but that ain't happening...) I wont see him until he taps me on my shoulder and when I hand him M she is just going to scream!

I hope that doesn't happen!

I am not sure how N is going to react and that ScArEs me just a little!!!

But none of that matters b/c all I really dream about is having J home in my arms... so homecoming expectations are really a moot point,

I really only have one

and that is him

HOME!!!

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!!!

I can't believe that I am celebrating Mother's Day this year as a mom of two!!! It has been so very crazy over this past year with a deployment, pregnancy, a CrAzY three year old, and a beautiful new addition!!!

I am so very lucky to be able to call myself a Mom and beyond blessed to have N and M!!!

I am also blessed b/c I have the MOST Ahhhh-MaZinG Mom!!! She is the strongest woman I have ever met and I strive to be as open and honest (and sometimes just flat out blunt) as she is!!! She is a wonderful example for my sister and I to follow and I hope that I will be as GREAT of a mom as she has been to us!!! She LOVEs with her whole heart and I can feel that love from all these miles that we are apart!

I LOVE YOU, Momma

&

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Just not right

So this morning while I was feeding my beautiful little M, I saw this story on the news (which is a rarity in itself b/c I don't watch the news)...

Runaway Mom Tiffany Tehan Didn't Think Search Would Go Nationwide

And it made me furious!!!

I mean for a woman to runaway from her husband and baby b/c she felt to much pressure or, "In a nutshell I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with life, just the pressures of work and raising a 1-year-old daughter,"

Do you really think for one minute there isn't times that I would like to just "runaway"? BUT that will NEVER happen, I chose to bring these baby's into this world and it is MY sole responsibility to make sure they are taken care of... YES, it is hard its not supposed to be easy!!! I am raising children and I want them to grow and learn that when things get hard you DON'T give up and runaway!!!

But, I guess in today's world, when so many people don't think they have to be accountable for their actions, that this is what we should expect... the lady that did the interview was so nice and I just wanted to SCREAM at them and tell them to GROW UP!!!

I guess the only positive out of this whole situation is that these people have agreed to make full restitution for the search... that by the way they didn't think would take place!!! And that she didn't hurt her baby!

Milspouse Blog Hop

Brand new to the blogging world and found this really cool blog,

Riding the Rollercoaster,

through a friends blog,

Goodnight moon!!

And she is hosting a

Milspouse blog hop

that I am going to participate in... cool right? Okay, I guess because I am new to all of this I am a little enthusiastic!!!

So, let me introduce myself for those of you who don't know me already! My name is Amanda and I am a Marine Wife and mom to two BEAUTIFUL babies!!! The newer one I delivered without my wonderful hubby b/c he was and still is serving in Afghanistan! I can't wait for them to meet! Like I said I am really new to this, don't have that many followers and I am learning that that is what you want, so come on and follow our crazy life!!!

neighbors/friends...

I would just like to say that I have the BEST neighbors in the whole wide world!!! I feel like we really have become a little family down here in our little cul-de-sac and I really don't think I could have asked for better!!! God has given me one wonderful biological sister and then he has blessed me again with these women, who just give without end!!! I will NEVER be able to repay their kindness, past or present!!!

When you move in to a new house (which for all you military mama's you know you do it a lot) you worry about the neighbors... are they going to like me, am I going to like them, do they have kids, are the kids going to get along, and the list goes on... I am not a super shy person but I am also not the one that will show up on your doorstep with a basket of muffins!!! So with all the ladies in the cul-de-sac we met when the kids are playing... which is a great way to break the ice!!!

I feel like I have made life long friends with my neighbors (Beth, remember Quantico!!! & Vicky, so thankful that baby monitor reached all the way to your house!!!) and I hope that tradition follows with these awesome "neighbors" I have now!!!

I also have a "sister" who has not had the privilege of being my neighbor and she is another one who gives without ending!!! Maybe someday we will be neighbors, who knows anything can happen in our crazy world!

The part that sucks is the distance and the moving away, it is so hard to start over not knowing what to expect, but I will say that all of these girls have set the bar SUPER high!!! But if it weren't for the moving and changing none of them would be in my life and I am so thankful for that!

HELP...

Okay so it is about that time... I have started thinking about WELCOME HOME SIGNS and I am having a very hard time deciding on what I want to say! Soooo, I thought I would put them out there and get some opinions on them... Let me know what you think!!!

1.) from M... I've Waited My Whole Life to Meet You Welcome Home Daddy

2.) from N... (this would be in check list form and its something J promised him before he left, Tent - check, Sleeping Bag - check, Marshmallows - check, DADDY - (big) check

3.) from me a couple of choices... You went over to kick some... Now let's go home and get some!!! or Today I get to get all dolled sit nervously and wait to give my HERO his welcome home KISS!!! or Always under the same stars, Finally under the same roof!!!

Please let me know what you think!!! Thank you!

Just so you know...

Okay, so here are some things that have been going on in our house...

M finally passed her bilirubin test!!! Her level is now .8 and it has only taken us all of her 14 weeks of life and about five heel sticks and two blood draws to get there!!!

She is growing so fast that I cant believe my eyes! She is now rolling over every time I put her on her stomach for "tummy time"!!! She has a little laugh going and smiles at me all the time! I cant wait for her daddy to meet her! I think it is funny that with my first I worried (and by that I mean J came home to find me in tears) about him not meeting any of the milestones he was supposed to, but with M, I worry but its different... I think partly b/c I am not sure we are going to have anymore so I just want to savor all the baby I can and also I want J to be here to enjoy the milestones with me!

I have been a very bad wife and been doing some retail therapy with my honey's hard earned money!!! Got a new camera and lens and bag to go with it!!! Bought some new bedding (we have had the same quilt on our bed since we got married and I am tired of the brown/darkness in my room)!!! We of coarse discussed all these purchases and I got the green light but I still feel a little guilty!

The countdown is officially on and I am about to pull my hair out!!! N is driving me crazy with the whining and I don't know what to do about it b/c when he whines it is only about "daaaddy"!!!

Just Breathe... right!?!

Sewing

So, after I kept a friends 6 month old the other day I decided that since I will soon have a little one learning how to sit up that I would like some floor pillows! I thought I can make those no need to go on a wild goose chase to find what I am looking for!!! So headed to the fabric store and got all the supplies I needed and I wanted to make sure I could remove the covers for washing, so I bought some zippers... my last attempt at a zipper was a disaster and I was very nervous!

I watched a video on the internet and the lady explained it very simply and with visual instructions (HUGE help)!!! And here are the finished products....

I also realized that I cant sew a straight line to save my life... I dont have the patience for it! I get to excited about the finished product and cant wait to see it!!! But luckily semi straight lines work for a pillow case!!!

Viewer Discretion Advised...

So, I decided to go to my favorite store this morning b/c one, I just wanted to get out of the house and two, I promised N we would go "bye bye" last night when I had to go to a meeting without him and finally to get a few last minute items for homecoming... WOOT! Anyway, we just got in and walking down the aisle and I ran into a new friend whose hubby is with Josh and we chat for a bit and then head in our different directions! Like I said I had to get a few last minute items, well one of those items are condoms, yes I said it and I am about the same shade of red that I was when I picked them up! J and I have been very blessed, God has given us two beautiful babies and like my mom says, he only has to look at me and think baby and poof I'm pregnant... I am not bragging at all just letting you know the reason for the protection! Anyway, I am not sure why they have to put them where the whole entire pharmacy can see what you are trying to get, how are you supposed to choose when all eyes are watching! Especially when you have two peanuts in the cart drawing even more attention! I don't know why I am so embarrassed, I am just doing a little family planning but dang I feel so dirty! So, I grab some and haul ass in the other direction (I also put them out of N's reach b/c that's all I need, him picking them up and asking, "Mommy, what's these?") and finish my shopping... not much some ant killer, a cute pair of shoes, and some other random stuff and head to the check out!!! And who do I get in line behind but my new friend and of coarse I have completely forgot about my "special" item until I start unloading the cart... GREAT!!! So again I am that crazy shade of red and trying to figure out just how I am going to put these on the belt without looking like an idiot! So I just wait until she is done and luckily she says goodbye and heads toward the door and doesn't stick around to chat, PHEW!!! Okay, okay I know I am a grown ass woman and should be able to buy this stuff without such drama, but I just met her!!! I even feel like the cashier is judging me... maybe I am just too sensitive but it is what it is!!!

Leavin on a jet plane...

Before I start this let me first tell you that I HATE flying, I am not a nut and go screaming down the aisle before take off, I just get really nervous and I dont think I breathe the entire time... but I hate it and when I add my two peanuts to the mix its worse!

So, last week we went to visit the fam in D-town and started our journey at about 345 am! Awesome!!! I think I am just going to make a list of our exciting adventure from J-Vegas to D and back... The middle part (not traveling part) was awesome, I got to sleep in and rest and just have some quality family time...

1. Picture me with two peanuts in tow and all the things needed for travel... car seat, stroller, diaper bag, breast pump, toy bag for N (which got shipped home), M strapped on the front of me and N walking like a big boy and of coarse I cant forget Mickey Mouse and Cami blanket! N's toy bag was so heavy that when he went to walk up the ramp on our first plane, he fell backwards... that's why it got shipped home!!!

2. Got to Atlanta (and I will never fly through there again), ran from B to D or something like that, got some breakfast, went and sat down to cram it down before our next flight, took M out of the wrap to change her and decided I would wait to feed her on the plane (BIG mistake)!!! Put her back in the wrap... my tiny little girl who is so laid back it is unbelievable found her lungs, found our seats in the back of the plane and sat down (not quite that fast b/c I have to put N car seat in and then stow our bags and then get N in his seat, not until after he has already pushed all the buttons including the call light for the flight attendant) So I try to feed M and she is pissed ( I later find out that she doesn't like to be covered up to eat, especially when we are burning up)!!! Push back from the gate and then NOTHING, we sit on the runway for about 45 minutes and right as we are beginning to take off, N starts doing the pee pee dance in his seat!!! Luckily the flight attendant is sitting next to me and she took him... phew!!! During this time I still have not gotten M to eat but she did fall asleep! We are in the air for maybe 25 min and N has to pee again... SERIOUSLY!!! So I get up with my sleeping baby and take him, then M wakes up and I try to feed her again (nothing), so I flag down the flight attendant and tell her that I am going to go to the bathroom (ewww) and try to feed her could she please watch N (lucky me we had an awesome flight attendant). Finally get M to eat (its been almost 6 hrs) and we head back to our seats! Its about to get good right, wrong! M takes the BIGGEST poop of her tiny little life right on the plane and it goes all the way up her back, and of coarse there is no place to change a baby on a plane... ahhhhh!!! I lay her in my seat and now she really starts wailing... got her cleaned up and by that time we got to Dallas!!! *sigh*

3. Middle Part: like I said was great!!! I love spending time with my family and while it was crazy running around we had a good time! My parents have the best porch ever and it is quite possibly the best place on earth to sit and have a beer and just catch up!!! (No I didnt drink, breast feeding)

4. Time to come home and we got delayed the whole way home, Dallas sat on the runway for about 45 minutes, got to Atlanta and the plane was late then got on and sat on the runway for 2, yes I said 2 hours... fun with two peanuts!!! M wouldn't eat again and this time I was in trouble b/c she started and then figured out that she was covered up and so I was shooting milk, Needless to say I was lucky that I was wearing the wrap over my shirts b/c the whole left side was soaking wet... We had been chasing this storm all the way and for a person who hates to fly going through a storm was GREAT!!! Lucky for me I have great friends who changed plans and made accommodations for us!!!

my biggest fear, someone else's reality

My words just wont come for this post... I will explain when I can!

I am ready for my love to be home safe in my arms, holding his new baby girl, and getting ready for the camping trip he promised N!

...

Everything is fine I am sorry to have worried anyone, just a rough day and I miss J. I read another persons blog and it made my heart ache for a new mom and marine wife who lost her marine... J is in every breath I take and I cannot imagine what she is going through right now...

Peeing on trees

So, this is my three year old and this is his favorite thing to do right now... pee on trees! He asks me to do it and I say no but he will sneak it in there. We could be standing on our front porch and he would rather run across the yard to one of the big pine trees just to pee on it! His daddy would be so proud!!! He does it all over the place, its like he is marking his territory, making sure all the other kids know that he has been there! Today, our little neighbor friend (she is about a year older than him) walked over with her hands on her hip shaking her head and told him that we always pee inside!!! It was perfect!!! I was hoping maybe if he thought she didn't approve that he would be embarrassed enough to maybe use a toilet but that probably wont happen, but I guess we will just have to wait and see!!! And if you are thinking to yourself why I dont stop him and make him go inside... I try!!! But he is so quick by the time I realize what he is doing, he is mid stream and what am I supposed to do???

what's the point...

So on Thursday I decided to spend the rainy day cleaning my house; floors, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. and I cant seem to find the point of cleaning anymore... because this happens after every time I do!!! I have come to terms with the fact that my house is never going to stay straight or picked up b/c I have a three year old, but man when the bowl of whipped cream and peaches hit the floor I thought I was going to cry!!! I really try to get it all done on a day that isnt absolutely gorgeous out b/c I know that Noah is going to want to go out and play and so am I... but what can I do, I cant just leave the cream sitting there to congeal to my floor and then there are more dishes and more laundry and more cereal on the floor to vacuum, it is a never ending process and it is exhausting!!! So now I am going to get off the computer and get busy so that I can go outside and play with my boy!!! Hope everybody else does the same thing b/c in the end it really doesnt matter if the house is clean!!!

Blue

So, its about that time... The days are getting longer and time seems to be creeping by and I just want to take a pill and sleep for the next two months!!! I wont, believe me!!! Its just how I feel right now. I am really completely over this deployment and the anticipation of the end just makes me blue, it is not quite time to get excited and even when I do that balloon always gets popped!!! I remember feeling this way with our first deployment but this time it is a little more intense! I think it is because of M, I want J to meet her so bad it hurts. I want him to be able to experience this part of her life, and she is growing and changing so fast... there is absolutely nothing I can do about it! Another reason is N, he actually knows that something is missing from our life and it hurts him too! DEPLOYMENT SUCKS and yes I know I signed up for this but it doesnt change that fact!!!

Always and Forever

Four years ago today we started our little family!!! I walked down the aisle to marry my best friend and soulmate, what a lucky girl I am!!! I remember that day like it was yesterday and while I am still working on forgetting just a few parts, the rest and most beautiful parts will always be with me!! Like getting ready and watching the buzz of excitement around me, starting down the aisle with my dad and seeing my handsome husband to be in his Blue's, listening to him whisper his vows to me, our first kiss as a married couple!!! Yes, I did say he whispered his vows (I have it on video) and when asked why, he said he only needed to say them to me!!! I love this man and will all of my days!!! The reception was amazing. It was at my grandma's farm and just perfect, BBQ, dancing, beer and belini's (my favorite). My sister and maid of honor did an amazing job with her speech and then there were tears when we left for our honeymoon! What a great day, the day we started our beautiful family!!! We might have started adding to it a little sooner then some people thought we would but I can not imagine my life any different and I am so thankful to have such an amazing partner to share it with (sometimes via emails and phone calls but thats just our life)!!!

blank

I knew I should have done this earlier when I actually had something to write about, but now I cant remember... It was rainy and cold today, which I am getting used to and I prepare myself for these days to be very stressful. N really has a hard time when it is nasty out and we cant go out and play! (even when it has been bitterly cold I bundle him up and send him out on the back porch to play basketball, but not when rain is coming in sideways) But today I was pleasantly surprised, he was awesome!!! I have changed up some of our old routines and now I think he is getting the sleep he needs and the attention he needs. It took me awhile to get it together after M was born, but I think we are finally starting to settle in! YIPPEEE!!!

The devil is beating his wife

For as long as I can remember every time it would rain and the sun would shine my mom would say, "the devil is beating his wife". So what does it mean when it is snowing and the sun is shining??? Today M and I went on a little adventure while N was enjoying his last day of school, and on that adventure we drove through snow! While most of the time I would be enthusiastic about snow, not today... I feel like it is a never ending winter and that makes spring and J's homecoming seem forever away! I am just ready for the warmer weather and seeing the snow didn't make me very happy! March is just around the corner and in my mind we should be enjoying 60 degree weather. Thinking about March makes me think about our anniversary and I am sad that another one is here and he is not going to be! It also makes me appreciate every day we have together and apart, as long as he is okay it doesn't seem like such a big deal... as long as he is okay! We have spent much of our 10 years together in some sort of long distance relationship, and I remember at 18 how it seemed like the end of the world that he was going away, I loved him so much!!! Now if it possible I love him so much more and when he loaded that bus he took my heart with him. I know this sounds very dramatic but it is the truth and I dont know any other way to describe it! He is my world and while it is not ending anymore... I still feel like that 18 year old who isn't quite sure what to do with herself! My light in all of this are the two beautiful children we have been blessed with and while it is not their responsibility they are wonderful at it!!! So maybe when it rains/snows and the sun shines the devil isnt beating his wife but its God telling us to stay positive and see the light through all the clouds!

boomin

Woke up to "boomin" this morning and I must say it is a wonderful way to wake up! N ran in and said, "Mommy, can you hear the boomin too" and of coarse I could but I love how sweet he is! The truth is, it makes me miss J so much when I hear artillery, I mean I miss him more than anything always but when they shoot it just throws it in my face!! We are definitely half way through this deployment but man I can not wait to be all the way done!! I am ready for him to meet his daughter and to play with N, who by the way walks around the house saying "I love my daddy"... break my heart!!! It is so different than the last deployment when he didnt really know what was going on, now he knows and wants Josh home as much as I do!!! The other night at dinner he said "wait mommy something's missing" (of coarse I thought I forgot his ketchup or something) I asked him what was it and he said "Daddy"! So I know he feels it and I am trying to be sympathetic to that... hopefully he wont remember this time in his future or if he does he will remember the good, calm times when mommy was not acting like a complete looney tune!!!

Trying something new

Today I decided to start a blog, I am very nervous about this because I can never seem to say the right thing or get my thoughts down exactly the way I want! I know it is a little late into this deployment to start something for J to follow, but I guess it is better late than never. I also think that it will help our family's with the distance created by our life in the military, I know it is not the same but it is a way for them to follow our day to day experiences!

So, yesterday I went to the eye doctor and he had the personality of a fish and he mumbled. He sat at the computer trying to chart and just kept shaking his head in disgust... it was a very interesting experience. Anyway, it turns out that I need some help to see far away and I decided that maybe I would like to try contacts, WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! This is the hardest and most uncomfortable thing I have ever tried to do, sticking my finger in my eye... YUCK!!! It is great to be able to see the street signs, but it feels soooo weird! So I am not sure how or if I am ever going to get used to it, but it is always good to try something new!