I believe to have a good healthy heart and soul you are supposed to forgive. God forgives us everyday without question, but as a flawed person I am having trouble with this concept! I want to forgive him but being hurt by one of the people you are supposed to trust the most is a very hard thing to move past... Even if the pain and tears that he caused were cleaned up by another, it is still so hard to move on!
I thought I had moved on and healed and was doing what was best for my family, but then I get a phone call and he asks me to be there for him... WHY??? Why on Earth would I do that? That's what I wanted to scream and yell at him, all those years without you, crying and waiting for you to show up or care... a few other things I wanted to say, but I didn't!!! I held my tongue, I was silent as he spoke and I listened to him cry on the other end of the phone. I felt sorry and angry and sad... I really just don't know what to say!
I think the biggest problem is that there has been no closer with any of this and he goes along thinking everything is fine, when in reality it's not... AT ALL! It is hard for me to forgive him when he won't even say "I'm sorry"!
Forgive, it is such an easy word to say but such a hard choice to make!!!
So sorry you are having to go through this girly girl. Forgiving is easier said than done and can take a while, especially when one is not willing to acknowledge they did you wrong and say they are sorry. I know it is hard to hold it all in when all you want to do is burst out all of your anger and heartache.You went through a lot for a long time, so it may take a long time to heal. Just do what you feel is right in your heart. The sad part is that sometimes the younger person has to be the the example to the elder,and sometimes you have to let the negative things in your life go, for you and your family. You deserve only good things. Lots of prayers and hugs!!
ReplyDeleteHave you read "The Shack"? If not let me know and I will send you a copy. Remember, you don't forgive someone because they need you to forgive them. That is God's job. You forgive them so that you no longer carry the pain. Forgiving someone is handing that pain over. You will always remember that it hurt, but you won't feel it so much anymore. I hope with all my heart you find the courage to let go.
ReplyDeleteBoo:( This made me sad for you! I hated someone in my life for years, but then saw him one day on a visit home and felt nothing but pity. All the hurt and pain and anger basically dissolved into pity and sadness for this person who was alone while I had my family all around me. I figured he had paid the price, even if he NEVER acknowledged causing me pain. Hugs!
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