what's the point...

So on Thursday I decided to spend the rainy day cleaning my house; floors, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. and I cant seem to find the point of cleaning anymore... because this happens after every time I do!!! I have come to terms with the fact that my house is never going to stay straight or picked up b/c I have a three year old, but man when the bowl of whipped cream and peaches hit the floor I thought I was going to cry!!! I really try to get it all done on a day that isnt absolutely gorgeous out b/c I know that Noah is going to want to go out and play and so am I... but what can I do, I cant just leave the cream sitting there to congeal to my floor and then there are more dishes and more laundry and more cereal on the floor to vacuum, it is a never ending process and it is exhausting!!! So now I am going to get off the computer and get busy so that I can go outside and play with my boy!!! Hope everybody else does the same thing b/c in the end it really doesnt matter if the house is clean!!!

Blue

So, its about that time... The days are getting longer and time seems to be creeping by and I just want to take a pill and sleep for the next two months!!! I wont, believe me!!! Its just how I feel right now. I am really completely over this deployment and the anticipation of the end just makes me blue, it is not quite time to get excited and even when I do that balloon always gets popped!!! I remember feeling this way with our first deployment but this time it is a little more intense! I think it is because of M, I want J to meet her so bad it hurts. I want him to be able to experience this part of her life, and she is growing and changing so fast... there is absolutely nothing I can do about it! Another reason is N, he actually knows that something is missing from our life and it hurts him too! DEPLOYMENT SUCKS and yes I know I signed up for this but it doesnt change that fact!!!

Always and Forever

Four years ago today we started our little family!!! I walked down the aisle to marry my best friend and soulmate, what a lucky girl I am!!! I remember that day like it was yesterday and while I am still working on forgetting just a few parts, the rest and most beautiful parts will always be with me!! Like getting ready and watching the buzz of excitement around me, starting down the aisle with my dad and seeing my handsome husband to be in his Blue's, listening to him whisper his vows to me, our first kiss as a married couple!!! Yes, I did say he whispered his vows (I have it on video) and when asked why, he said he only needed to say them to me!!! I love this man and will all of my days!!! The reception was amazing. It was at my grandma's farm and just perfect, BBQ, dancing, beer and belini's (my favorite). My sister and maid of honor did an amazing job with her speech and then there were tears when we left for our honeymoon! What a great day, the day we started our beautiful family!!! We might have started adding to it a little sooner then some people thought we would but I can not imagine my life any different and I am so thankful to have such an amazing partner to share it with (sometimes via emails and phone calls but thats just our life)!!!

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I knew I should have done this earlier when I actually had something to write about, but now I cant remember... It was rainy and cold today, which I am getting used to and I prepare myself for these days to be very stressful. N really has a hard time when it is nasty out and we cant go out and play! (even when it has been bitterly cold I bundle him up and send him out on the back porch to play basketball, but not when rain is coming in sideways) But today I was pleasantly surprised, he was awesome!!! I have changed up some of our old routines and now I think he is getting the sleep he needs and the attention he needs. It took me awhile to get it together after M was born, but I think we are finally starting to settle in! YIPPEEE!!!

The devil is beating his wife

For as long as I can remember every time it would rain and the sun would shine my mom would say, "the devil is beating his wife". So what does it mean when it is snowing and the sun is shining??? Today M and I went on a little adventure while N was enjoying his last day of school, and on that adventure we drove through snow! While most of the time I would be enthusiastic about snow, not today... I feel like it is a never ending winter and that makes spring and J's homecoming seem forever away! I am just ready for the warmer weather and seeing the snow didn't make me very happy! March is just around the corner and in my mind we should be enjoying 60 degree weather. Thinking about March makes me think about our anniversary and I am sad that another one is here and he is not going to be! It also makes me appreciate every day we have together and apart, as long as he is okay it doesn't seem like such a big deal... as long as he is okay! We have spent much of our 10 years together in some sort of long distance relationship, and I remember at 18 how it seemed like the end of the world that he was going away, I loved him so much!!! Now if it possible I love him so much more and when he loaded that bus he took my heart with him. I know this sounds very dramatic but it is the truth and I dont know any other way to describe it! He is my world and while it is not ending anymore... I still feel like that 18 year old who isn't quite sure what to do with herself! My light in all of this are the two beautiful children we have been blessed with and while it is not their responsibility they are wonderful at it!!! So maybe when it rains/snows and the sun shines the devil isnt beating his wife but its God telling us to stay positive and see the light through all the clouds!

boomin

Woke up to "boomin" this morning and I must say it is a wonderful way to wake up! N ran in and said, "Mommy, can you hear the boomin too" and of coarse I could but I love how sweet he is! The truth is, it makes me miss J so much when I hear artillery, I mean I miss him more than anything always but when they shoot it just throws it in my face!! We are definitely half way through this deployment but man I can not wait to be all the way done!! I am ready for him to meet his daughter and to play with N, who by the way walks around the house saying "I love my daddy"... break my heart!!! It is so different than the last deployment when he didnt really know what was going on, now he knows and wants Josh home as much as I do!!! The other night at dinner he said "wait mommy something's missing" (of coarse I thought I forgot his ketchup or something) I asked him what was it and he said "Daddy"! So I know he feels it and I am trying to be sympathetic to that... hopefully he wont remember this time in his future or if he does he will remember the good, calm times when mommy was not acting like a complete looney tune!!!

Trying something new

Today I decided to start a blog, I am very nervous about this because I can never seem to say the right thing or get my thoughts down exactly the way I want! I know it is a little late into this deployment to start something for J to follow, but I guess it is better late than never. I also think that it will help our family's with the distance created by our life in the military, I know it is not the same but it is a way for them to follow our day to day experiences!

So, yesterday I went to the eye doctor and he had the personality of a fish and he mumbled. He sat at the computer trying to chart and just kept shaking his head in disgust... it was a very interesting experience. Anyway, it turns out that I need some help to see far away and I decided that maybe I would like to try contacts, WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! This is the hardest and most uncomfortable thing I have ever tried to do, sticking my finger in my eye... YUCK!!! It is great to be able to see the street signs, but it feels soooo weird! So I am not sure how or if I am ever going to get used to it, but it is always good to try something new!