Dear Motorcycle Guys

Dear Motorcycle Guys,

Seriously!!! You think it is a good idea to come zooming down 95, weaving in and out of the cars like they are traffic cones! Because I don't! First, 95 is insane at all times and you two made it worse today... I don't appreciate the fact that you raced past me so close that my three year old could reach out the window and knock you upside your head! Yes that was me who was honking and I know you probably don't care (because if you did you wouldn't drive that way) but you not only put yourselves in danger but you also put MY CHILDREN in danger! I saw you coming a mile away and was prepared for your stupid a... but what if you had driven up on a person not so ready and they jumped and the car jumped with them??? That would be it, roadkill!!! And since it was on 95, that would cause a MAJOR wreck!

You give a bad name to motorcyclist everywhere! You are the reason other motorist HATE them and don't respect them on the road! And that makes me mad b/c now you are putting my parents in danger!!! Just so you know, I love motorcycles!!! I get excited when I see them and so does my N! I think they are fun and not scary and hope to someday have one myself. But you jerks need to wake up!!! You want to race go find a track to do it on and start thinking of others for once!

Next time I will call the police! SLOW DOWN and RESPECT others on the road!!!

Sincerely,

A

Weird post I know but today while I was driving home one of these guys almost slammed into the back of me! SCARY!!! I wish there had been a policeman nearby...

7 months ago today

WOW!!!

I cant believe that it has been

7 months!

My little M is getting so big so fast

and it is so bittersweet!

She sat up the other day all by herself

and I

cried!!!

Yes, I know it should be and is a very happy moment but then comes the bitter part...

she's changing so

FAST!

When people say that is goes so quickly, I don't always believe them.

But for some reason with my little bug it is just flying by!

J's deployment didn't go fast and I think I wanted N to hit all the milestones that I rushed him a bit!

So with her I have been VERY laid back and not pushy on anything! But that doesn't stop it,

AT ALL!

So, I have read a few other birthday stories and I thought I would share mine

(most have been at the six month mark, but we were moving).

7 months ago today I was

GRUMPY and UNCOMFORTABLE!

See with N I delivered at 38 weeks and my little bug decided she wanted to go all the way to her due date, well almost...

she came at 39 wks and 6 days!

My mom was staying with me b/c J was deployed, so we got up and decided to go get donuts at DD!

We watched N put two marines in there place!!!

And made plans for the rest of the afternoon!

Bowling, lunch, nap...

Called my girlfriend (also one of my birth partners) and we decided to go bowling on our side, she has two boys and N and her oldest are best buddies!

Bowled, ate some nachos, and my J called!!!

Talked to him, he had some very exciting news and then had to get back to work!

Time check: 1245

Not 5 minutes after I got off the phone did I have my first contraction...

go figure!

Had been having braxton hicks for about two wks but this was

DIFFERENT!

Left the bowling alley.

Got home at about 1300/1 pm

The contractions were about 15 minutes apart for about 3 contractions, then they went to 8 minutes apart

and boy they were

STRONG!!

Decided to take a shower and see if they would settle down,

the moment I stepped into the shower they jumped to

3 minutes!!!

I showered QUICKLY and got out and found my mom...

time to go

Time check: b/t 1430 and 1445 / 230 and 245

Got to the hospital at about 1500/300

Triaged and admitted at a 5

I knew something was weird in triage b/c my contractions were not being picked up on the monitor.

Walked across the hall to my labor room (this took about five minutes)

got in bed and all hell broke loose!!!

M did not like labor

In the 5 minutes it took me to walk across the floor I dilated to an 8

Corpsman couldn't start my IV

Baby not participating well = NO DRUGS

Broke my water and placed a scalp electrode

Was put on O2

Placed in the most uncomfortable position (hands and knees)

Docs trying to talk to me in full blown labor

Seriously, could have signed away my first born!!!

Got the all clear to turn back over

Midwife did not believe me that I needed to push

5 minutes later

WELCOMED BABY GIRL M!!!

I was in labor for all about three hours, pushed twice and delivered my baby girl super fast!!!

What a glorious day and I thank God everyday that he has blessed me with my N and M!

So time flies and I have learned that I have to slow down and cherish every little blessing...

the tears, smiles, meltdowns, and giggles!!!

I am sorry this was such a long post, but I wanted to share!!!

ps J called that night b/c my rockstars in the room with me took some great pics and emailed them to him right away, he couldn't believe it happen so fast and was over the moon!

Silly Bandzzzzz

So, I do not even know how N knows all about these things

but he does and he gets very

EXCITED

whenever we walk passed them at any store!!!

I

really didn't even think about getting him some

until recently...

like yesterday!!!

We are having some discipline ISSUES!!!

He wont listen, he wakes up his sister, he has major meltdowns over the

tiniest

things, and I am ready to pull all my hair out!!!

The list of things that we have tried is:

1. Time out

(doesn't work)

2. Taking away "privileges"

(which really only punishes ME)

For example, if I say he cant go outside b/c he woke up M, I am stuck inside with a whiny three year old!

3. Yelling

(horrible, I know but I am working on it)

and finally

4. Spanking

(which I HATE and doesn't WORK)

There is something about hitting my child that I just cant quite come to terms with, don't get me wrong there are certain situations that need quick and immediate punishment,

but I struggle with it either way!!!

I am not trying to start a debate just listing what we've tried

:)

So, back to the reason I am writing!

SILLY BANDZ

Who knew they could be such a GREAT reward for my N!!!

He loves them and has had great behavior!!!

I was able to go to the commissary today

without

ONE

meltdown!!!

Not even an argument over sitting in the cart!!!

My heart is smiling!

I just pray that it last and we are on the path to peace

and a little bit of sleep and rest

for

M!!!

Moving Day (again)

Here we go again!!!

That's right it has been about a month since we moved and we

are doing it again!

The whole thing, packing, loading, unloading, and unpacking!

(I don't really like that last part)

But it is ALL worth it!

We finally got a house on base!!!

I am super excited!

J is too but only because it makes me happy, he would rather buy a house!

But I just cant bring myself to liking that idea!

We are only in a place for such a short time and the possibilities of not being able to sell/rent it scare me!!!

So, it is base housing for us!!!

I thank God that this worked out for us!

We didn't think we had a chance, were told we didn't, rented an apartment hoping and praying that when our lease was up maybe we would get a chance to move on base!

But then we walk into the housing office two weeks after we get here and they had a house!

My exact reaction...

I think the entire building heard my jaw hit the ground!!! I stood there like a goob with my mouth gapping open, in shock!!!

J grabbed my arm and turned me around and we hurried out to the truck,

he said, "don't get your hopes up"!

TO LATE!!!

We had to go back the next day to talk with the lady that actually would put us in a house,

I didn't sleep that night!

All the ladies in the office oohhed and awhhed over our babies

so we brought them again!!!

(nothing like using your children)

We even taught N the ladies name... I think that might have sent her over the edge!

We HAD a house and a month to move in to it!!!

YAY!!!

So, the movers should be here soon

and we can finally get out of this limbo we have been in!!!

Forgiveness

I believe to have a good healthy heart and soul you are supposed to forgive. God forgives us everyday without question, but as a flawed person I am having trouble with this concept! I want to forgive him but being hurt by one of the people you are supposed to trust the most is a very hard thing to move past... Even if the pain and tears that he caused were cleaned up by another, it is still so hard to move on!

I thought I had moved on and healed and was doing what was best for my family, but then I get a phone call and he asks me to be there for him... WHY??? Why on Earth would I do that? That's what I wanted to scream and yell at him, all those years without you, crying and waiting for you to show up or care... a few other things I wanted to say, but I didn't!!! I held my tongue, I was silent as he spoke and I listened to him cry on the other end of the phone. I felt sorry and angry and sad... I really just don't know what to say!

I think the biggest problem is that there has been no closer with any of this and he goes along thinking everything is fine, when in reality it's not... AT ALL! It is hard for me to forgive him when he won't even say "I'm sorry"!

Forgive, it is such an easy word to say but such a hard choice to make!!!

At Last...

WELCOME HOME DADDY!!!

What a great weekend!!! It was filled with so much excitement and joy and finally

RELIEF!!!

J got home at 0230 am on Monday morning and it was amazing!!!

He finally got to meet his baby girl...

I decided that I was just going to wake the kids up and take them!!! N and I had talked about this day since J left in October and I just couldn't

not take him!

I would be taking away a memory that I felt was more important

than a few hours of cranky N

and to boot I had my partner back to help me handle

cranky N!!!

They both did great! Family show time was supposed to be 2330 but J called me and I knew they were still a few hours away...

So I let those baby's sleep and then when I couldn't take it anymore

I got them up and we went to wait!

Could have waited a little longer cuz we waited for about 2 hours...

oh well!!!

My feelings are pretty bittersweet right now! I am so THRILLED that J is home but I am so SAD that there are so many that did not!

My thoughts and prayers are with those men and women and their family's!!!

Expectation

Homecoming

is so close I can taste it and with that comes this pretty little picture I paint in my

head...

My little family all dressed up, waiting oh so patiently on the man of my dreams to walk off that bus! N not having one meltdown or smudge of dirt on him, M snuggled in my arms waiting happily for the Daddy she has not met, and me in my dress looking smokin hot... We both see each other at the exact same time and meet in each others embrace, it really is lovely!!!

Then ReAliTy sets in

and I know that N and M will be cranky from waiting or from not getting the sleep they both need b/c we are waiting!!! I wish I was about 25 lbs lighter (but that ain't happening...) I wont see him until he taps me on my shoulder and when I hand him M she is just going to scream!

I hope that doesn't happen!

I am not sure how N is going to react and that ScArEs me just a little!!!

But none of that matters b/c all I really dream about is having J home in my arms... so homecoming expectations are really a moot point,

I really only have one

and that is him

HOME!!!